THE PSYCHOLOGY OF FRIENDSHIP AND MENTAL HEALTH BY ISRAEL KASHIM AUDU

THE PSYCHOLOGY OF FRIENDSHIP AND MENTAL HEALTH BY ISRAEL KASHIM AUDU For those who have followed up with my previous articles will know that this is not the first time am writing about friendship. Friendship is so important, it has the capacity to affect our mental health. Interpersonal relationships of any kind, such as those involving significant others and family, make a difference on an emotional level too, but friendships may play the most vital role of all when it comes to mental health. Here’s why: A friend is someone who we choose to make bonds with. We aren’t forced to make or keep a real friend. Typically, friends are picked because we have one or more things in common with them. We also gravitate to those who make us feel good about ourselves and life in general. Friendships are also developed with people we can communicate well with. Love relationships differ. Often they are complicated. Usually, we actually go to a friend when we’re having trouble with our love life, which makes a friendship as important or more important that the love relationship. Friendships are connections. Humans have a deep primal need to connect to others. When we find someone who fills that need, it actually sends out endorphins into our body. Endorphins are hormones that make us feel good. So, when we are around a friend, our body is pumping out positive emotions. We are likely to experience relief from stress, grief, and other negative emotions simply by being around a friend. The fact that we tend to confide in a friend is also mentally healthy. Stress is relieved through talk therapy in a way that is very conducive. While having an alcoholic beverage may reduce stress temporarily, it doesn’t tend to the problem completely and constructively, like talk therapy with a friend does. Friends bring out the best in us. We learn to give and not just take. We develop care and concern for a friend which we exhibit time and time again. Good friends return that care and concern. The relationship is built of trust, unselfishness, and love. We also tend to listen when a friend has a problem. The psychology behind being a friend is quite strong too. We feel useful. We feel empathy and sympathy and other emotions that make the bond of friendship even stronger. When we are trusted, we tend to do what is required to earn and keep that trust. Ultimately, we become better people when we practice being a good friend. Friends are usually people who we enjoy and like to laugh and have fun with. Laughing is so healthy, it can cure things, like depression. Laughing also helps us live longer. You might say that friendships add days to our lives because, it’s true. They also add quality to our lives. Friendships are not only important to our mental health, they are imperative. A person can die of loneliness. They just give up the will to live. Good friends help give one another reasons to live and to have a higher quality of life. Together, they elevate one another to a higher level...a level that only those with close friendships can experience. Indeed, good friendships may be essential for wellbeing at every stage of life. Making friends is crucial for children in their development and ability to form later relationships. And the bedrock of childhood friendships may start with play – which hones social and communication skills. The way we connect with our friends may change as we get older, or as technology opens up new ways of connecting. Teenagers today can harness social media to communicate with friends in a way previous generations could not. They may have different types of friendship, with online and offline groups of friends – that may or may not overlap. Social connectedness and depression I have heard people say I will rather stay alone that make friends because of past experience. Many studies suggest that having healthy friendships could have a protective effect on health, and help us age better. Some research has examined whether social networks could influence mortality, heart attack survival, depression and anxiety. Our social networks (the ties we have) can affect our moods, with some evidence suggesting that feelings such as happiness can spread through a network. Being a member of a social group, for example a book club or sports team, may carry its own health benefits. This is because the sense of belonging and friendship may be key to our social identity, which in turn can influence health. For example, studies show links between social connectedness and depression. Being a member of a low-status or stigmatised group may harm health, but at the same time this group membership can counter negative health effects, for example by providing social support. Contact theory Friendship may also be pivotal in boosting societal harmony. Contact theory - the idea that positive contact such as friendships between different groups can promote positive attitudes, has been studied as a way to reduce prejudice towards immigrants and promote intercultural relations. For example, studies in children have shown that white British school children with friends of south-Asian origin tended to have more positive attitudes towards those of south-Asian origin. We also value friendship in our cultural life. The book, Dr Who Psychology, looked at the ideal sidekick for the Time Lord Dr Who, and suggested that as well as being highly empathetic and resilient, they might have traits in common with polar explorer Ernest Shackleton’s ideal travelling companion too. The developing friendships of children also provide fascinating fodder for TV, inspiring programmes such as The Secret Lives of 4 Year Olds. The flipside of friendship But are there downsides to friendship? Certainly, feeling socially-rejected can be painful, especially for teenagers. And one in three children may experience the flipside of friendship – enemyship or ‘antipathetic relationships’, at any given time according to research. Teen friendships can be complicated, with former friends or current ‘frenemies’ more likely to bully within their own social circle. The question is of what importance are you as a friend? Can you sustain a relationship? Can you manage dispute in a relationship or friendship? There are friendships that suffers setback because there was a lack of managing differences. Remember we all need each other.