FINDING PURPOSE BY ISRAEL KASHIM AUDU
Some mornings, you may feel that there’s something deeper you could be a part of. You feel the pull towards something, but you can’t exactly pin it down—it eludes you and frustrates you. You’re not really sure how to find purpose in life.
You might have heard stories from writers or musicians who have felt their calling their entire lives; the Mozarts of the world who have pursued their passions from the moment they were out of the womb. Deep down you wish you had this “knowing” to pull you forward.
Frankly, you do: all it takes is a little digging to uncover the truth.
Think of uncovering your passion like the work of a master sculptor, slowly chipping away the stone to reveal the masterpiece underneath. Your life’s purpose is this masterpiece, simply lurking beneath the surface, waiting to be released.
The fastest way to learn how to find purpose in life is through the art of introspection: diving into the deeper essence of who you are to pull out the pieces to assemble the purpose puzzle.
Think of your life’s purpose as a golden thread; for some, that thread comes in the form of a certain career or profession, while for others it looks like a way of being or expression.
Let’s use the analogy of an epic quest across the ocean to take you on your journey of finding purpose in life:
Why Do You Want This?
Ultimately you’re trying to improve your life and live with meaning. You want more zest, more flavor, more fullness. In the strictest sense, you want to become a better person. You want to wake up in the morning excited, jumping out of bed with a thirst for life that you haven’t felt since you were a child.
Your purpose can be the driving force behind this. If you feel lost, your sense of purpose can be your connection to something larger, something that will allow you to truly make a difference.
Still, your “why” might be different. Before we even leave solid ground, you need this as your anchor, just in case things get a little foggy. To find it, just answer this question:
Why do you want to find your purpose in life?
Write down or remember whatever comes up. It might be some of the above reasons, or it might be something entirely different. Whatever it is, hold it close.
The Tools for Your Journey
Before any great adventure, you want to make sure your tools and supplies are in working order. For this quest the tools are simple: You’ll need a pen and piece of paper, a working memory, and the drive to uncover what you set out to find. That’s it—you’re ready to set off.
Before we go, there are a few things you’ll need to embrace beforehand. Think of these items as the underlying code of conduct for your journey.
I welcome the hard work and tiresome effort it will take to unearth my life’s great work.
I know my purpose might not be directly obvious, but I will put in the time to find it.
I believe finding my purpose is entirely possible.
I know that finding my life’s purpose may lead to some drastic (positive) changes.
I know that finding my life’s purpose will leave me with the power to shape my own destiny.
Once you’ve let the above affirmations settle, you’re ready to free your ship from the dock and set sail. Your tools are sharpened, and your mind is prepped: congratulations! You’ve come farther than most people ever do.
Slaying the Inner Dragons
When you first set sail into uncharted waters, there will be an initial resistance, a pervading fear of the unknown[1]. If you feel this, great: you’re human.
The first dragon you might face will likely be your internal beliefs. They might try to stop you in your tracks or tell you you’re crazy for trying to find your purpose in the first place. They might say harsh things, like “you don’t deserve to have a purpose” or “you’ll never find what you’re looking for.”
What you have to know is that this inner dialogue isn’t true. it’s more afraid than you are. Its main goal is to keep you comfortable.
To combat your inner dialogue, you have to first realize it’s happening. When you start to actually pay attention to the thoughts as they’re spiraling, they lose their power. They get their evil force by operating below the surface, so when you shine a spotlight of awareness upon them, they lose their control over you.
Once you’re familiar with these inner dragons, it will be easier to slay them.
Next, you have to swing your sword of action.
Try this on for size: When you’ve come across a belief that is threatening to stop your journey, take a breath and look it square in the eye, then act anyway. You’ll know what actions to take after the next section, so hold tight.
This will teach you to develop your courage muscle, and its heart-centered courage will give you something to lean on throughout your uncertain quest. This will ultimately improve your mental health overall.
Questions for the Great Dig
Now that you know why you’re doing this and how to overcome any hurdle, you’re ready for the turbulent seas. Your preparation is done, the shore is now out of sight. All that remains is you and the seas of your soul.
Now, get ready to dive deep. Keep in mind that we’re going to analyze common threads in your life and the deep desires you currently have to give you a one-two punch when learning how to find purpose in life.
Step 1: The Soul-Baring Questions
If you had all the money in the world, how would you spend your time?
What would your perfect day look like? Describe every detail.
What activities set your soul on fire?
What do you love to do?
These should be enough to get you going. Don’t be afraid to dive deep with these questions, and write down whatever comes to mind.
Make sure you create some space to ponder these questions. Nothing is too outlandish, so do your best to turn off your mental filter. The best answers will come when you can turn off your self-judgement.
Once you have these answers in hand, we’re going to take a little stroll back into your memory to dig up some more answers and learn how to find purpose in life.
When you’re a child, your life experience is more freeing, playful, and alive. Your whims direct your life, and you’re more plugged in to a deeper current. At this stage in your life, the outside world hasn’t shaped your dreams yet. You have direct access to your passions and purpose.
We all had things we loved to do as kids but ended up giving them up for the sake of practicality. What we’re going to do here is take a stroll through your memory banks and try to gain some glimpses of this childhood wisdom.
Step 2: Connect with Your Inner Child
What brought you immense joy as a kid?
What were you doing when you lost track of time?
What did your parents have to drag you away from?
What did you love deep down before the world told you to get practical?
Once again, keep your mind in an open place. If you’re having trouble, it may help to look at a picture of yourself when you were younger, or grab an old stuffed animal or other item that sends you back into the memory banks.
Weaving Your Golden Thread
Now that you’ve braved the epic seas, the other shoreline is in sight. The last stretch of the journey is to string all the bits of randomness together and find the common themes. The digging is done, great work.
Your job now is to take a hard look at all your answers and see if you can pull out any common ideas that are in both lists.
Maybe you’ve wanted to be a writer since you were a child, and committing words to a page every day really sets your soul on fire. There’s a good chance that writing may be involved in your life’s purpose.
Maybe you’ve always been fascinated by the stars and the cosmos, and you’ve always had a deep connection to spending time outdoors. You could combine this into an excursion where you lead groups of people into the wild to stargaze and contemplate their place in the universe.
Let your creativity reign, and don’t fret if you can’t make a connection right away. Sometimes, it helps to sleep on it and let your subconscious work on the solution for you.
If you’ve done the work, then you’re on your way to finding your life’s purpose. When it’s there, you’ll feel it deep down in your bones.
Your first step is to change how you approach this new chapter of life. "Instead of focusing on what defined you before, look at who you are now, where your interests lie, and where you may find the greatest sense of accomplishment," says Silverstone.
This can be tough, especially if you have health issues that make you less active or face financial stress like living on a fixed income, either of which can make you feel powerless. To overcome such barriers, work on your mental outlook. For example:
Embrace acceptance. The emotional struggle of being a different person now is real, so don't brush it aside. "It's normal to feel anger, loss, anxiety, or fear about having to adjust to changes in one's life," says Silverstone. "Give yourself permission to have these feelings without judging yourself. This will help you become more at ease with who you are now, so you can approach your new purpose in life with greater motivation and confidence."
If you struggle with negative feelings, practice replacing defeating thoughts with positive mantras, adds Silverstone. "When negative thinking arises, repeat a phrase to yourself like, 'I've been through changes in life before and survived them, so I can handle these changes, too.'"
Be flexible. Don't try to force something that is no longer a good fit, no matter how it makes you feel. For instance, Silverstone once counseled a retired physician who wanted to stay in medicine, but was overwhelmed with the new technology and felt obsolete. "But medicine still gave him a strong sense of purpose and a way he could still contribute," says Silverstone.
The solution was to become a mentor and assist with physical therapy practices, which were less daunting. "Don't give up if your chosen path is not always clear," says Silverstone. "There are often many entry points, and you may have to try several times before you find the right one."
The One Step to Finding Your Purpose
It’s simply this: learn to get outside your personal bubble.
Your personal bubble is the small world you live in (we all have one), where you are the center of the universe. You are concerned with your wellbeing, with not wanting to look bad, with succeeding in life, with your personal pleasure (good food, good music. etc.).
This is the bubble we all live in most of the time, and people who say they don’t are trying to prove something.
When someone tells you you look fat, this only hurts because you’re in your personal bubble. You take that statement (a colleague who says you look fat) and believe that it’s about you, and feel the pain or embarrassment of how the statement affects you. It matters a lot, because in your bubble, what matters most is how everything affects you personally.
I’m the same way, and so is everyone else.
Some other problems caused by this personal bubble:
In our bubble, we’re concerned with our pleasure and comfort, and try not to be uncomfortable. This is why we don’t exercise, why we don’t only eat healthy food.
This fear of being uncomfortable is also why we get anxious at the thought of meeting strangers. It hampers our social lives, our love lives.
Because we don’t want to look bad, we are afraid of failing. So we don’t tackle tough things.
We procrastinate because of this fear of failing, this fear of discomfort.
When someone does or says something, we relate that event with how it affect us, and this can cause anger or pain or irritation.
We expect people to try to give us what we want, and when they don’t, we get frustrated or angry.
Actually, pretty much all our problems are caused by this bubble.
Including the difficulty in finding our life purpose. But more on that in a minute — I ask for your patience here, because this is important.
What Happens When We Get Out of the Bubble
If we can learn to get outside this personal bubble, and see things from a less self-centered approach, we can see some amazing things:
When someone says or does something, it’s not really about us — it’s about pain or fear or confusion they’re feeling, or a desire they have. Not us.
When we have an urge for temporary pleasure (TV, social media, junk food, porn), we can see that this urge is a simple passing physical sensation, and not the center of the universe.
We can start to see that our personal desires are actually pretty trivial, and that there’s more to life than trying to meet our pleasures and shy from our discomfort. There’s more than our little fears. Including: the pain and suffering of other people, and compassion for them. Compassion for all living beings. Wanting to make the world better.
We can tie our daily actions, like learning about how our minds and bodies and habits work, or getting healthy, or creating something, not only to our personal satisfaction and success (trivial things) but to how they help others, how they make the lives of others better, how they might lessen the suffering of others.
We become less self-centered, and begin to have a wider view. Everything changes, from letting go of fear and anger and procrastination, to changing our habits and finding work that matters.
How does this relate to finding our life purpose? Let’s explore that.
The Wider View, and Our Life Purpose
Once we get out of the bubble, and see things with a wider view, we can start a journey along a path like this:
We can start to see the needs of others, and feel for their suffering.
We then work to make their lives better, and lessen their suffering.
Even if we aren’t good at that, we can learn skills that help us to be better at it. It’s the intention that matters.
As we go about our daily work, we can tie our actions to this greater purpose. Learning to program or become healthy (for example) isn’t just for our betterment, but for the betterment of others, even in a small way. This gives us motivation on a moment-to-moment basis. When we lose motivation, we need to get back out of our bubble, shed our concern for our discomfort and fears, and tie ourselves to a bigger purpose.
In this path, it doesn’t matter what specific actions you take or skills you learn to make people’s lives better. What career you choose is not important — what matters is the bigger purpose. You can always change your career and learn new skills later, as you learn other ways to fulfill this purpose. You’ll learn over time.
What matters is becoming bigger than yourself. Once you do, you learn that you have a purpose in life.
How to Get Out of the Bubble
Sounds great, but getting outside this personal bubble isn’t as easy as just saying, “Let it be so.” It takes work.
First, you must see when you’re stuck in the bubble. Whenever you’re angry, frustrated, irritated, fearful, anxious, procrastinating, feeling hurt, wishing people would be different. You’re in the bubble. These are signs. You are at the center of your universe, and everything is relating to you and your feelings. When you can’t stick to habits, or have a hard time with a diet, you’re in the bubble. Your momentary pleasure is what matters in this bubble. Outside the bubble, they’re just little events (sensations of desire, urges) that can be let go of.
Second, when you notice that you’re in the bubble, expand your mind and heart. See the bigger picture. Feel what others must be feeling. Try to understand rather than condemning. See how little and petty your concerns and fears have been. Realize that if others treat you badly, it’s not about you, but about their suffering.
Third, wish others well. Genuinely want their happiness, just as you want your own happiness. See their suffering and wish for it to end or lessen.
Fourth, see how you can help. How can you lessen the suffering of others? Sometimes it’s just by paying attention, just listening. Other times you just need to be there, just lend a hand. You don’t need to go around solving everyone’s problems — they probably don’t want that. Just be there for them. And see if you can make people’s lives better — create something to make them smile. Make one little part of their world — a cup of tea, an article of clothing you’ve sewn — be a little space of goodness.
Repeat this process multiple times a day, and you’ll get better at it.
You’ll learn to be bigger than yourself. You’ll learn that the life we’ve been given is a gift, and we must make the most of it, and not waste a second. You’ll learn that there is nothing more fulfilling than making the lives of others a little better.
